Full Hunger Moon, and Taming an Appetite for Frustration

It's the worrisome years

Over the hill

Thought it's s'posed to get easier

To pay your bills 

I got nothing to show

But a worrisome heart

Can you please tell me

When does the good part start       

          Greg Brown, The Worrisome Years

I'm way overdue for a new post, but honestly, every time I sat down to write this week, all my ideas were just variations on venting frustration and irritation. I wanted to write long, snarky posts on things like, Ten things NOT to say to your unemployed or underemployed friend under any circumstances (hint: the list starts with 'When God shuts a door, he opens a window' and 'think of it as an adventure'). Or: Why do so many intelligent, educated, creative women in the craft blog world write as if they're 12-year-old girls writing in a seventh-grade yearbook? Or: Why can't they write a decent stimulus bill and pass it, and not embarrass Obama and every tax-paying person in America in the process, and not leave out women, education and the arts? Or: Are there really people deluded enough to think that Octuplet+6 Mom did a good thing? Or, a big one: Why don't we have national health insurance? 

Bitch, bitch. None of these things, obviously, have anything directly to do with art, craft (okay, maybe the craft blog one, but in a rather judgemental way), culture (at least not the good kind), or textiles. And none of them are anything I can control, other than to voice my highly opinionated opinion, which, in the infamous words of someone more clever than I, everyone has a right to. It all takes me down a dangerously futile path.

And it's all deep cover for more personal uncertainties, doubts and frustrations -- where do I belong? What is my creative direction? Who is really there for me? Why is life so different from what I thought it would be at this age, if I really thought about it at all? How should I spend any spare time that I have? Does this blog, for instance, make a difference, and should it be different? I'm really not fishing for compliments with that last one, but it does cross my mind. A lot.

 One of the most well-known blogs ever is 43Folders, which began as a Getting Things Done-focused blog on organizing your time and keeping your in-box empty. After four years of this, with more success than most bloggers ever dream of, creator Merlin Mann switched gears. 43Folders is now "about finding the time and attention to do your best creative work." It still has a kind of tech-geeky look and is essentially about life organization, but he's made a significant shift to organization in support of creativity, not just for its own sake. 

Mann is a big fan, as I am, of Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit. He links to a sample chapter here, in a post where he also coins the brilliant phrase "aspirational artist porn" -- which Tharp's book is not. Maybe the best and only positive thing I can do today is send you there, since Tharp has succeeded where I have not, yet. 

And spring is coming, though I'm not sure where I'll be when it arrives, and I had a wonderful dream last night that someone gave me a huge armful of gorgeous cut flowers from a garden in a lovely old house, then left me to arrange them. Flowers -- lots of 'em -- are my own personal symbol of abundance, so the dream seemed like a gift in this worrisome time.

Full moon early tomorrow -- appropriately enough for these times, the Hunger Moon. I'm fortunate and always grateful to have food in the pantry and on the table, but we hunger for many things -- beauty, truth, intimacy, freedom. I'll try to let the moonlight shine on my most admirable appetites. 

photo by bill barber. 

Comments

[Anaka Narayanan]

Well sometimes venting or ranting can really help release some of your frustration or anxiety. I had a mini breakdown today when both my sales staff decided not to show up for the second day in a row, two clothes for the Spring collection shoot are still not ready, I have been making the props for the shoot by hand and they don't look great at all (looks like a 10 year old made them) and in an hour I have to go pick up the model so she can get her beauty sleep for the shoot tomorrow.
And I feel a weird jealous when I read about young stylists who at age 26 are traveling around the world to clothe people in Stella McCartney. Why I am doing things the hard way? There, I just ranted on your blog!

[bobbi]

I like your writing very much (and I'm not just saying this to make you feel good)...both the craft oriented posts and the philosophical ones. And in these trying times, it feels very good indeed to come across so many kindred spirits in the blogosphere.

[Heather]

Your dream sounds like a very positive portent to me. I did drop by your blog several times last week, and although I was disappointed that there wasn't something new from you, I did enjoy exploring some of the links that I don't usually have time for. (But I'd rather be reading something from you.)Don't give up!

[jude]

it is the time of year that makes all this stuff seem worse. i know.

[Deb]

Suspecting that you won't have to look far for the meaning, I'll pass today's Tarot card, the Ace of Cups, along to you.